OK her prøver jeg lige kræfter med en ny genre efter at have set halvanden sæson af Orange is the New Black

det gør mig lidt stresset at se det; for jeg får det lidt dårligt når jeg ser det men hvis jeg ikke ser det får jeg det også dårligt. Så jeg er nok nød til at blive ved med at se det.

Inde i mit hoved er plottet selvfølgelig eskaleret
Suzanne Warren også kendt som Crazy Eyes er endelig kommet i lag med Piper Chapman
men det er ikke nemt
hun har måttet skrive et brev for at få styr på det hele og det kommer her:

I spend long mornings and long afternoons waiting for you to wake up from your lazy sleeping
I practice patience and I’ve come think, practice is always patience so in a way its double patience and double practice
DISCIPLINING MY FEELINGS is what I’m working on
scrubbing toilets at night just to keep calm

you are either hungover or drunk or tense, these are your three states of mind
still I want to touch your skin and your face and your crotch
you’re my Dandelion
you’re my Dandelion
I want to talk to you about everything and help you feel better about your life

when I was a little girl and too big for everything my mother used to send me to my little sisters’ friends birthdays parties so that I could be social and feel normal
but I was always made to feel unwelcome and my six-year old sister was embarrassed because I thought dragons were cooler thant princesses
and hope you’ll understand this sadness in my life

I often wonder if there’s this one thing I could do in order to make me sure of your love like what if I got a green bicycle would my Dandelion love me so much that we could both be sure of it

you know when your fingers are inside me all I can think is:
she’s got me now
Piper’s got me now
now I’ve lost my marbles, I lost them all and Piper’s the only one who can help me get them back

why will you never let me touch you, Dandelion?

A question I often ask myself is this:
Why do I practice letting go of you
telling myself that you’re just mean
you’re so mean
that this is why you only like me as little as you do, with so many reservations
you told me this, you little white bitch, you said
I have my reservations when it comes to romantic relationships
that’s what you said Piper,
and back in Litchfield, don’t think I forgot this, back in Litchfield you looked at me with your patronizing sweetness and said
Suzanne, I am not your wife, I will never be your wife
don’t think I forgot that Piper

but why then, do I practice so hard losing you?
why do I prepare for losing you as if losing you were a season to come, like winter
as if I couldn’t make winter come today if I wanted to
as if I couldn’t just tell you any day now
so please get out of my life and don’t ever come back

love from Suzanne

suzanne warren

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